Deeper

If your mind and soul were a place, what would it look like?

This random and seemingly absurd question I once encountered took me at least a few years to answer. After countless days and nights of looking deep into the cosmos, it was only a matter of time before it invaded my perception of life. The complex universe is the human soul itself and somehow, mine has tons of black holes that harbor a special feature – wormhole.

Existing in my bank of memories were the multiple passions I thought would last my lifetime, which never happened. Same cycle for most of them: a spark of interest starts the fire and for months – maybe even years – it burns until it finally dies. No matter how much I try to set it ablaze again, the fact remains that ashes can no longer burn.

“Why am I like this?” Everything started from this inquiry – simple yet difficult to answer. Unbeknownst to me, the question was actually a black hole. The moment I firmly decided to search for answers, I found myself falling deeper into piles of mysteries. Strange enough, it felt satisfying.

All day long, my mind would be occupied with what some would label as ‘pointless questions’: What is the real shape of rainbows? Why are people the way they are? Why are things the way they are? If stars and comets had consciousness, what can they say about the millions and billions of stories they witnessed happen on earth since the beginning of time? What would it feel like to be a star or a comet travelling through the cosmos? How awesome and artistic is God to have created the idea of how everything works in the universe? What if I existed as a different person? Better yet, what if I never existed in the first place? Sure, I’d probably have nothing to think about; heck, I might not even know how to think. But what bothers me the most is: what is ‘nothing’ in this concept exactly? How can I even imagine it? What was there before every atom even existed? When did ‘infinity’ even started and how long has it been existing? Come to think of it, isn’t it funny how you can never exactly imagine ‘infinity’ and ‘nothing’?

Then I figured out what I am genuinely passionate about: Knowledge. Even before, my soul didn’t limit itself, which is why its gaze was never fixated on just a single thing. If it means finding questions to answer and answers to questions, I wouldn’t mind falling into ‘black holes’ and travelling to different realities.

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